She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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