I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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