Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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