yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
