Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
