I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
