They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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