hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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