Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
