can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
