when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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