There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
