Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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