Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
