Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
