my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
