So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
