they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
