i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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