She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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