New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Come share oat with me in your robe
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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