Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
