Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
