I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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