Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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