I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
