Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize