8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
