Non-Jews are for practice
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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