i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
