I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
