The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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