the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
