So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
PANTIES FOUND
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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