He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
