Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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