I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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