new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
