Are we in a gay sports bar?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How does one acquire holy water?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
