Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize