Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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