Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
