He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
