ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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