I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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