They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
