I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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