just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
