seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
