what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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