Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
