every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
