Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
