I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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