all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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