so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
