Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize