I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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