I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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