All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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