im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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