I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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