Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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