YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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