Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You may now shotgun with the bride
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
