Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
