she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
