They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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