btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
