Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
