I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
