Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
