Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
