Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
