dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
