I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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