She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
