I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
bring money and cleavage
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
