I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
