I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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