i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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