I accidentally burped into my bong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
why do cheetos always look like penises
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
