Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
