I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
