it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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