i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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