I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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