Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
