I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
