he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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