I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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